One of the hardest things about finding someone to date is finding someone we actually want to spend time with. There’s the kind of dating that really is meeting someone new over dinner, and the kind of dating that includes some kind of long-term time commitment. One of the most often-repeated rules of dating is to get involved, and join clubs. There’s a reason for this beyond meeting a larger number of people. If you get involved in groups and activities that interest you, the people you meet through those activities and communities will already have something in common with you.
The better you know someone, the more likely you are to like them, and be willing to take a risk on getting to know them better. How you choose to meet potential dates also depends on what you are looking for. Someone to spend time with, someone who shares your interests and your values is different from looking for a one night stand.
Think about the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with. What sort of interests does that person have? Going to places that support those interests is a great way to narrow the playing field down to the people who are more likely to meet your criteria of “someone to date.”
To be more specific, have you heard that grocery stores have become a great place to meet single women? Part of the reason is that you can look at the type of food the person is buying, and start a very casual, friendly conversation with someone on that basis. Joining your local swing dance club, or line dance club, is likely to give you a focus for your energy, too. And a way to chat with people who might be single, and looking, too. You can talk about dance, and about other non-work activities, and find out if you share common interests in the process. Find out if the person you approach enjoys your company, or wants to know you better, too, before taking the bigger risk (for both of you!) of asking them out on an actual date.
Basically, the lower the “expectation,” the more likely someone is to agree to spend more time in your company. So if it’s an evening out with a group of friends, there’s less pressure on someone you just met than if you invite them for dinner and a movie alone together with you. If you meet them at a book group, or on a club hiking event, or at the gym or on a rock wall, or in a cooking class… you have time to size each other up and decide to try out a new restaurant in town for lunch together sometime– without the pressure of asking someone to make a snap decision about dating you after five minutes of conversation in a bar or on the street or online.
